Top Ten Statements You Don’t Want to Hear During a Haircut

It’s been a while since I’ve done a top ten list, but after yesterday, I knew it was time to start creating again.

My sister started training at a well-respected hair design school, but, before she finished her coursework, she decided cosmetology was not for her. As a result, she doesn’t have her license to cut hair. However, I took a gamble yesterday. I didn’t want to pay for an expensive haircut this month, so asked Lisa if she felt comfortable doing my hair. After all, she dyes it for me frequently, and besides the one hair disaster, she does a great job. Lisa agreed, said she felt confident with the picture I showed her, and, therefore, I felt confident–that is, until I heard the following ten statements during the process of my haircut:

10. It’s really hard to cut hair without a swivel chair.

9. Shh! I can’t have any noise.

8. I need to stop for a minute and breathe in a paper bag. It’s not your hair; I’m just feeling really panicky.

7. *Expletive*

6. Argh. Your hair is so hard to cut–it shows every mistake.

5. Well, I don’t think this is the worst haircut you’ve ever gotten….

The picture I gave my sister was of Carey Mulligan in the movie Drive. Enter brother-in-law to offer his two cents:

4. I don’t know if you look like Carey Mulligan. You look more like Keanu Reeves in Point Break. 3. Mason: “Where’s the picture you were using?”

Lisa: “I don’t know…I don’t even remember what it looks like anymore.”

2. I give up

1. Mason: No, Lisa, cut here. It’ll look like you are trying to do what you did on that side.

Despite the terror I felt during the process, I’m pretty pleased with the end result. Thanks, Lisa!

What’s the craziest thing you heard during a haircut?

Ten Things My Daughter Says

For the second night in a row, my husband and I are up at 11 p.m. and cannot go to bed. Last night, we were held captive by the power of Easter candy sugar highs on our son and daughter, obviously tired but unable to fall asleep. Tonight, we are subject to the tears of our little girl brought on by a lost binky. And since that daughter is rolling all over my lap, unable to sleep without her precious pacifier but fully capable of spewing out sentences that her not quite two-year-old self can already say, I decided to write this post in her honor : Ten Things My Daughter Says

10. Mommy, where’s my bing-kee? (Oh, how I wish I knew)

9. I want ‘andy. (candy)

8. I want choc-it (chocolate–are you noticing a pattern?)

7. Mommy, Hammah Gyace is spit-in on me! (Hannah Grace is spitting on me)

6. Mommy, Ha-yub is hittin’ me! ( I was so relieved to learn that she could tattle on both her sister and brother, Caleb)

5. I do it! (Of course you do. How silly of me to think you needed help)

4. Mommy, hep me, peas. (help me, please. And dear Lord, help me, please, too)

3. I need to go potty (any time she wants to get down from her highchair, stroller, or out of bed)

2. Two minutes. (Her request for her mommy or daddy to stay in her room for just two more minutes at bedtime)

1. Hammah Gyace–look ah me! What happen? (to her three-year-old sister having a tantrum)

Clearly we have a very bright, independent, and, perhaps, bossy little girl. Now if she would just stop talking, I’d love to go to sleep. Linking up with Oh Amanda for her Top Ten Tuesday.

Ten Things I Won’t/Will Miss About Having Little Children

Some Things I Won’t Miss About Having Little Children:

10. Waking up with a sore back because one or more little children snuck in our bed, sleeping horizontally with their little toes pushing into my spine.

9. The anxiety I feel if I go to the bathroom alone for a minute, not knowing what will await me when I come out.

8. Having to participate in every. single. game. outside, never getting the chance to sit on the porch glider and just relax.

7. The limited freedom to have a spontaneous Friday night date-night or attend a late-night outing, the availability of a babysitter or getting the kids in bed by a reasonable time always a prerequisite.

6. Temper-tantrums.

But I Will Miss:

5. Waking up with a sore back because one or more little children snuck in our bed, wanting the security of Daddy and Mommy and another chance to snuggle.

4. The opportunity to guide my children’s impulses, teaching them right from wrong, while the consequences are small. One day they will be grown-up, no longer needing input from Mommy and Daddy, in a world where they won’t always get a second chance.

3. Being asked to participate in my children’s games outside, having been replaced by the neighborhood kids, or one day by boyfriends and girlfriends.

2. The security of having little kids tucked away in bed, replaced, instead, with Friday nights full of worry waiting up for teenagers to make curfew.

1. Hmm…I can’t do it…I won’t miss temper-tantrums.

Linking up with Amanda today for her Top Ten Tuesday at ohamada.com. What would you add to the list?

Ten Indications Your Husband Is Away on Business Again

10. Your son’s first baseball practice ever is scheduled for the first night your husband is out of town, and you’ll get to tote your 3-year-old and 21-month-old along to experience it.

9. Thirty minutes after your husband leaves, your son wakes up with a rash all over his body. You get to take three kids to the doctor’s office and find out your son has strep throat–all before ten a.m.

8. Your son, who has been looking forward to his first practice for two weeks, cannot go to baseball practice. You now get to carry around the guilt of knowing that your cursing the timing of his first practice with your husband’s trip has somehow caused him to get strep throat.

7. The rare coffee date you scheduled with your friend almost a month ago for when two of the three kids would be in preschool must be rescheduled.

6. Knowing that you’re quickly losing your mind the longer you haul around three small children, you make a short list of items you will need to get at the grocery store while waiting for your son’s antibiotic. While you leave the store with three items that you did not need, you manage to forget the first item on your list–and your brain.

5. You find yourself sitting on your bed twitching and eating M&Ms–and you don’t even like chocolate.

4. Your husband, in his kindness, planned a menu for the week, made a corresponding grocery list, and bought the food before he left. However, he neglected one small detail–that each meal would take two plus hours to make, and you would be feeding the kids dinner at 8:00 p.m. (You’ve never even made one of Rachael Ray’s 30-Minute Meals in less than an hour and a half).

3. During the two hours you spend cooking that first meal when your husband is away, your children conjure up the North Wind to sweep through the playroom. You grab your camera to capture evidence of the catastrophe, but the batteries are dead. You then grab your phone and snap a few shots, but the photos aren’t there when you try to upload them to your computer. The disappointment of not having proof for your husband is worse torture than the actual clean-up.

2. Deciding she can’t make it until she reaches the bathroom, your daughter pulls down her pants and pees on the kitchen floor that you had just mopped a couple of hours earlier–and this daughter is NOT the one who is potty-training.

1. Your youngest child decides that 10:15 p.m. is a perfectly acceptable bedtime.

What craziness happens when your spouse is out of town? What chaos ensues if you go away?

A Post Regarding Sleep Etiquette

I know I have written about different sleep issues before, but I feel a pressing need to compile a list of rules regarding sleep in one post. Here goes:

10. Dear child, if your bedtime is 7:30, you should not be awake at 11:30, especially when your mother’s bedtime is 10.

9. Children, your beds are for you. Daddy and Mommy’s bed is for us (as in the two of us). Barring a nightmare or sickness, please stay out of our bed. If one of the three of you feel the need to break this rule, please, please, please, no one else join that sibling.

8. Sweet child, if you feel the need to break the previous rule, please do not drink the glass of water on my nightstand. I was very disappointed when I awoke thirsty and found my drink stolen.

7. Big boy, if you decide to get in our bed, please do not step on my head.

6. My precious children, please learn to sleep in the vertical position. By the vertical position, I mean that you need to sleep with your head on a pillow. That pillow needs to remain at the head of the bed. The top part. The part against the wall. Near the windows in our room. Your feet should not touch me. At all. Ever. Your legs should not cross over my body in any way. Your body should make a straight or slightly curvy line so that your feet are in the direction of the foot of the bed. If you remain in your own bed, I do not care if you sleep sideways or upside down like you did last night .

5. My dear children, the previous rule is very important if two or more of you are in our bed. However, if you break that rule, please refrain from pushing off of my back with the balls of your feet. This rule also applies to my hip bone or any other part of my body.

4. Baby girl, stop snoring.

3. Kiddos, leave the covers alone!

2. Precious ones, please refrain from grinding your teeth. The Bible says that in hell people gnash their teeth, so when I hear whatever sound you’re making coupled with the agony that my body feels because of the strange positions in which you sleep, I start to get a little freaked out.

1. And finally, dear husband, do not hit snooze more than twice. After that point, I might throw your alarm out the window. (I know that point didn’t apply to this morning, but I thought it worth mentioning)

Linking up to Oh Amanda’s Top Ten Tuesday today. I hope to write a more thoughtful post about Christmas tomorrow. That is, if I get some sleep.

Ten Clues Halloween Was This Past Weekend

10. Your four-year-old decided his new bedtime was 9:45, yet he happily awoke for you at 6:30 a.m..

9. Your three-year-old has had a sugar-induced meltdown for a straight 24 hours.

8. You found your paranoid son sleeping with his bag of treats.

7. You’re pretty sure your toddler has never had candy, yet you noticed her walking around the house with a lollipop hanging out of her mouth and three packages of M&Ms.

6. There’s a carved pumpkin sitting outside of your door that very well could sit there until Thanksgiving.

5. You discovered your little girl on top of the refrigerator looking for the hidden Halloween candy.

4. You then located your daughter ‘hiding’ under the dining room table eating some of this candy. She has yet to understand that you can totally see her under that table.

3. You turned into a a crotchety old person over the weekend, grumbling about children who don’t say ‘thank you’ and teenagers who still dress up to ‘steal’ your candy.

2. You are normally an honest person, but you have taken to catching your children in the act of sneaking their treats so that you can eat whatever you confiscate.

1. You saw the cutest cowboy, cat, and butterfly in existence and have taken every opportunity to show everyone that you know (or don’t know).

I’ve linked up at Ohamanda’s Top Ten Tuesday. Click over with me for more fun!

Ten More Indications that Your Husband is Away on Business for the Week

10. The menu you plan for the week consists of nothing but hamburgers, macaroni and cheese, and pizza.

9. It is Tuesday night, and you are hauling the trashcan, recycle bin, and yard clippings to the curb.

8. Keeping up with the pace set by her brother and sister, your 17-month-old picks this week to attempt climbing out of her crib.

7. Your 17-month-old hints that this is also the week to begin potty training, as you find her several times standing in the toilet waiting for poo-poo to appear.

6. You have to attend your son’s parent-teacher conference, and the teacher requested no siblings. (Sorry Mrs. C–the conference is only 15 minutes, so the baby’s coming!)

5. Your plan to catch up on laundry is thwarted by two straight days of leaky Pull-Ups and a squished banana (yes, also on the sheets).

4. The rebel forces launch an impressive surprise attack and implement the tactical tag-team operation from ‘the witching hour’ until bedtime, rendering you close to waving the white flag.

3. The AT&T salesmen have impeccable timing, ringing the doorbell as soon as you have two out of the three children in bed.

2. You have an unusual argument with your son over your decision to flush down the toilet the ‘Silly Band’ that was entangled in his bowel movement.

1. You find that you love and miss your husband exponentially more than the previous week!

In case you missed it the first time, here are the first ten indications that your husband is away on business for the week.

Ten Things I Don’t Understand About College Football

10. I’ll never understand why some girls show up in high heels and tight, little dresses, while sitting on hard bleachers, packed in like sardines to watch men knock the snot out of each other under the blazing hot sun. I’m pretty sure I sweated off the minimal amount of make-up I was wearing, so I can’t imagine actually taking the time to look beautiful. It’s a football game! Then again, I was never popular in school or know anything about fashion now.

9. I don’t understand why some insist on screaming at the referee after every bad call. If you’re sitting near where I’m sitting, I’m pretty sure he can’t hear you.

8. I just don’t understand why some get offended so easily and end up in fights with fans from the other team. I mean, did I miss something? Were you in the last play?

7. I do not understand tailgating, anymore. If you’re heading to the football game, why do you need to haul and set up a gigantic TV and dish before hand? It seems to me like an unnecessary amount of work and planning….

6. I do not understand how it is possible for someone to show minimal emotion during significant events in his life, yet be brought to absolute fury, elation, or tears during a football game. Read this short story for more on this topic.

5. I do not understand why grown adults will drink enough during the game to forget what happened tomorrow. Tickets are expensive–getting wasted doesn’t make economic sense.

4. I’ll never understand why everyone holds up four fingers at the start of the fourth quarter. Did you think I lost count? There is a giant scoreboard that can help me out if I did….

3. I know I’ll never understand how the BCS polls determine the top teams. I think I’d need a master’s degree first.

2. I’ve yet to understand why our fans always insist that the other teams’ fans are so obnoxious. At every game I can spot someone with a giant bulldog painted on his head, and our fans bark.

1. I’ll never understand how I can be surrounded by so many things that make me cringe yet look forward to going to Georgia football games so much!

I’ve linked this post over at ohamanda’s today. Click on the link below to read more fun top ten lists!

The Silver Lining: Ten Reasons that Not Moving is Not Bad

We took our home off the market this weekend. Our realtor removed the sign before knocking on the door so that we wouldn’t have to watch as it became official–we were not moving. I’ve not allowed myself to dwell on the reality because I don’t want to feel disappointed; I love my home and where we live–I just wish we could spend more time together as a family.

I hadn’t planned on doing a top ten list today; however, I thought this exercise would be good for me, would force me to look ahead with hope and anticipation. So here goes my top ten list for why not moving is not a bad thing:

10. A Clutter-free Life: Getting ready to move was extremely stressful and took a couple of months of going to bed after midnight every night to finish. However, we needed the deadline to remove every piece of clutter from our home, and as a result, my every days are clutter-free and smoother, as well. I won’t have to start over in a new home; I can enjoy the set-up of this one.

9. A New Routine: Keeping an entire home clean and ready to present any day of the week was a challenge, especially with three destructive little ones running around. However, I found a cleaning routine that works for me and that I can continue. I cleaned before, but my house looks the best it’s ever looked because of our attempt to move. I know I can keep this routine going. And who doesn’t like a clean house?

8. New Carpet: Our old carpet was disgusting. End of story.

7. Our Garden: For the four years that we’ve lived here, I’ve wanted to plant a garden. However, every year I was either very pregnant at planting time or home with a newborn and other children. The garden wasn’t a priority. This year, however, my whole family and I got our hands dirty, made memories, and grew the best produce and herbs I’ve ever tasted. I can’t wait to expand our garden next year.

6. Our Backyard: Our yard is large and level–perfect for three kids running around or driving laps in PowerWheels. In addition to being the perfect yard, the location is great, too. We’re located right next to the swim/tennis in our neighborhood. Part of our fence opens up to the path leading to the pool. What could be more perfect during these hot, Georgia summers?

5. Teamwork: Through this process, we’ve all discovered how to help one another. The baby is the only one who doesn’t make her bed, clean her room, or put away clothes. Our family is a team, and we work together.

4. Church: We get to continue going to the church that we love, 12Stone Church, and grow our friendships. And I’ll continue one of my joys this fall–leading with my husband another small group .

3. Focused Family Time: We wanted to move closer to Matt’s work so that we could spend more time together as a family, and Matt would spend less of his time in the car. Right now, that plan is not to be, so as we’ve been doing for the last few months, we’ll have to be intentional about our family time. And intentional time as a family is definitely not a bad thing.

2. Honoring the Sabbath: Even though I know God commands that we use the Sabbath to worship and rest, I’m not sure if the rest part would have become a priority had we not planned to move. After working so hard every week, I needed a rest on Sunday. And since I knew the weekend was our reserved family time together, I made sure I got all of my chores completed by Saturday night so that we could use Sunday to focus on God and family. I now realize why God commanded the Sabbath in the first place and wish I had taken His instruction seriously from the beginning. This practice is one I will ensure we keep.

1. Discovering God’s Will: The frustrating part of this journey is not knowing God’s will for us. We prayed about our decision before we ever put the ‘For Sale’ sign in our yard and asked God to guide us. If it were not His will, we did not want to move (even though we really wanted to move). I’m not sure what He has in store for us, if there is a specific purpose we are to accomplish here, or if we are just products of a bad housing market. What I do know is that if God had a specific purpose for us to live in Alpharetta, then our house would’ve sold. And while I’m disappointed, I will rest in that fact and continue to seek His will for our family.

I’ve linked today’s post at OhAmanda for Top Ten Tuesday. Head on over for some fun reading!

Ten Signs the End of the World is Near

10. When doing laundry, I won’t have to distinguish between four different piles of my husband’s clothes on the floor (Are these pants to wear again? Was this shirt ever put away? Is this just the spot where he got undressed?).

9. My son will eat a vegetable.

8. We will add to our emergency savings fund two months in a row instead of depleting it.

7. We will go longer than a month and a half without bringing one of the kids to the doctor.

6. I will go away from the kids for more than four hours and not have a baby and/or appendix removed.

5. We will attempt to sell a house, and it will sell in a reasonable amount of time.

4. I will get my hair trimmed while it still resembles the previous haircut.

3. We will have a child who does not try to climb out of her crib prior to 18-months of age, thus resulting in no need for a toddler bed before she is emotionally ready for a toddler bed, nor giving up naps and bedtime due to the freedom no child that small should have.

2. Our son will not give his sister her yearly haircut, always on the right side of her head, thus sparing her from the half-mullet look she has sported for the majority of her almost three years of life.

1. A trumpet will sound, and Jesus will descend from heaven on the clouds.

This list is what my mind does while putting away laundry! For more top ten fun, visit ohamanda.com .