I don’t have a therapist, but I’ve contemplated getting one many times. If it weren’t already obvious, I use my blog as a way to process through my feelings, and many times it works (and it’s free). But sometimes I have to wonder if I might not need professional help….
I can’t read status updates on Facebook. Specifically, I can’t read status updates about mothers enjoying being mothers–they make me feel guilty. Whenever I read, “I just love being a momma!” or “Making cookies with my sweet babies!” my stomach balls up in a series of knots.
It’s not that I don’t love my children or thank God for them every day–it’s just that my status updates would read a little differently:
“Tried to make cookies with my babies. Broke up one fight over whose turn it was to pour in the sugar, moved little hands three times that kept trying to crack extra eggs in the bowl, and realized I was short a 3/4 cup of chocolate chips because my kids apparently snuck them during the week.”
“Why don’t my kids take naps!!!”
“Had to grab Chloe off the top of the refrigerator again.”
Our days tend to feel a little chaotic, no matter my best attempts to structure them. Somehow the simplest plans to read a book or go outside and play can derail into a drama that has me on my knees shaking my fists heavenwards crying, “Why, God, why?!”
So when I read status updates that remind me that school is almost over for the year, status updates that exclaim “I’m so excited to have my three kiddos home with me 24/7 for the next 3 months!” I feel guilty. Guilty and terrified.
It’s not that I’m not used to having my kids home with me–preschool only keeps two of them for three hours a few times a week–but that little break with just one child is well…a little more manageable.
I think about our Georgia summers with the blazing sun and 100% humidity, that miserable heat that keeps everyone indoors, and I get nervous. Sure, I will take the kids to the pool, but I also remember our pool time last year that had me sweating more than swimming while I did my best to keep three kids in the pool at the same time . We will visit the library, but I have flashbacks to the time my son thought playing hide and seek through the aisles was fun while I was trying to get everyone out the door. And I think of a couple weeks ago when the hair massacre occurred leaving my daughter with beautiful strawberry-blonde locks looking like Hayley Mills in “The Parent Trap.“
I think about my budget that includes ‘art cabinet with a lock and key’ since putting things up high doesn’t work. I look at the dutch door that has swung from each child’s room in an attempt to keep them in…
…while they keep trying to get out.
I think about our every days, and I get nervous. And when I get nervous, I feel guilty. And so I write a blog post while biting my nails in the hope that I’ll laugh and feel a little better.
And if not, I might give that therapist a call (or at least stay off Facebook).
Does the impending summer vacation have you nervous or excited? What cheap activities do have planned to keep your little ones out of trouble?
Jennifer Vignola Davis 
oh, jennifer. i know. i know! my kids are older now, so i have a journey with different struggles, but i remember. i used to blink really hard when people told me to enjoy them while they are little because it would be over in the blink of an eye! you are NORMAL. TV and swimming pools is my advice for the summer!
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TV and the pool–my kids would think they're in heaven! 😉
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Stay off facebook. Or at least roll your eyes when you see those status updates. Nobody, I mean nobody, feels that way all the time. For what it's worth, I want to kick people in the shins when I see those updates all the time. And also, I'd much rather hear about the real things – the cut hair, meltdowns, etc than sunshine and puppies all the time.
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I am looking forward to the Summer. Something I am very excited about, is I've got my teenage niece who will accompany me to the pool. I am going to pay her, though buying her lunch @ ChickFilA would be equally as exciting to her! If you don't have a teen relative, I'm sure there's some kids @ your church or friends you could "hire". GA minimum wage is $5.15, so pack everyone's lunch and snacks, stay at the pool 3 hrs, and it will cost you just over $15 for the extra pair of hands.
We are also looking forward to play dates with friends we don't see much during the year b/c we are all going in different directions at different times.
I also plan on use going to lunch w/ Scott once a week. Tho it can be a hassle getting us loaded and down to his office, it's always a treat…especially for Daddy. And a lot of times I pack the kids lunch, saves major $$$.
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I knew you'd have good suggestions! I like your lunch w/Daddy idea. We'll see if Matt goes for it. I've never been to his office, and he tells me that he rarely takes lunch breaks. Maybe he'll read your comment and decide that taking lunch once a week will be a good idea! 😉
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If I were a parent, I'd need a therapist on site.
-DS
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I'm right there with you. Also, as to the facebook updates, I think those people are lying. LOL They're probably just like us but aren't brave enough to say so. They just want everyone to think they have it all together. Last night, while lying in bed, I realized that my son's last day of preschool is NEXT THURSDAY!!! What? There are three words that make summer a little more bearable: Vacation Bible School. I have Jonathan signed up for two (back to back) already and am looking for more. 😉
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Our church doesn't do VBS. Note-to-self: Find a VBS for the kiddos! 😉
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I didn't mean to open up a can of worms with the whole Facebook thing! I was trying to point out my insanity–that mothers enjoying being mothers made me feel guilty because of all the days I wasn't. I can't speak for everyone, but I know some of the gentle, kind ladies who genuinely are looking forward to having their kids home, and I am envious! I look forward to spending time with my kids, too, but like I said…I'm just a wee-bit (or a little more than that) nervous!
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Maybe we can find a deal on a therapist together because Summer scares the crap out of me!!!! I understand EXACTLY where you're coming from!
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Joint therapy sessions could work. Or we could take the kids to the Mayfield Dairy for ice cream again! 😉
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come to my house and we will corral them in the back yard between the swimming pool and playset. I am a little scared about what my summer looks like. Come over and lets be crazy together. BTW- if I ever have one of those status updates, you hear about the other stuff from me in person. :O) One thing I am looking forward to this summer is the lack of so many crazy mornings trying to get out the door in time. :O)
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According to other bloggers, I do need a therapist 😉
I came over from Duane's blog. I can relate. My kids are older now and my youngest is 4 almost 5 so its getting better, but still…I deleted my facebook page this week actually. Facebook alone makes me feel like garbage. Many of my friends are all into having 1000 babies so they can populate the world with little missionaries and I'm struggling with having 3. They are on number 5 and gloating about how great it is. I tend to think those people are lying. And so I am with you…stay off of facebook. That's a guilt inducing website, for sure.
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Nah. Those people only post those status updates because they are the exception to the rule and they have to let the world know that there ARE moments of sanity every once in a while. You know, when you have great, amazing, incredible, once-in-a-lifetime kind of news? That kind.
One great thing about homeschooling is that there are no summers (insert sarcastic cheer here). It is all one great non-stop time of fun in my house and the kids are always here. Always. Always…Well…
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My suggestion is to stop thinking. All this will pass by the time they hit twenty five. Oh no! I forgot, they sometimes move back home.
Just kidding. I mentioned to Lisa the good thing about her moving back (temporarily) was that she and
I have gotten close. She said, "Dad, we were always close!" Where was I? Probably thinking about what was going to happen next. See that? All the time I spent thinking and trying to stay one step ahead , Lisa was enjoying our closeness. Huh?? I have to think about that one.
love
Dad
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I totally hear you on this one, Jennifer — loud and clear! I just said to my husband this morning, "I feel guilty, like I am a bad mom for dreading instead of being excited about summer!" All I can think about is Rowan asking again and again, "What can I doooooooooo?" And how I won't have any time to write, and how will I keep up with blogging and other writing assignments? I am seriously considering getting one of those mini above-round pools — the temporary ones, but big enough to require a little filter? I'm sort of worried about killing the lawn though. Now everyone will know exactly how pathetic I am.
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