As the days grew longer and my belly bigger, I began to marvel at this life growing inside of me. Crammed in this watermelon-shaped space were two little legs that would find the need to stretch, revealing just how tight my skin had pulled across my belly. Little fists and elbows used my insides like a punching bag, and Matt and I would look with amazement as one side of my stomach would bounce in and out in its quick rhythm.
And during this time, I wondered what it felt like to live as this developing fetus, crammed into a dark space, living every day rolled up in a little ball amidst warm water and the constant sounds of the mother’s heart beating, her voice echoing to down below. Frankly, to this claustrophobic lady, the concept seemed terrifying, yet we know that babies don’t enter the world with a mind full of phobias–they don’t want to be dropped or experience loud noises–but beyond those two conditions, they are at peace.
I’m always amazed where my mind travels during a sermon at church. As we were studying the story of Jonah, and the pastor was describing Jonah’s anxiety at finding himself in the dark belly of a fish, my mind traveled to when I was pregnant and recalled the three different times I pushed babies from within the darkness of my belly to the light of a new world.
In the story of Jonah, Jonah disobeys God and tries to flee from his calling but, instead, finds himself trapped inside a giant fish. The first time we see this prophet pray is when his anxiety is at an all-time high, when he has no where else to look but up:
The engulfing waters threatened me,[b]
the deep surrounded me;
seaweed was wrapped around my head.
6 To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you, LORD my God,
brought my life up from the pit. (Jonah 2:5-6, New International Version, 2010)
Like Jonah, we have experiences in our life that bring us to the height of anxiety. Our anxiety over our jobs or lack of jobs in a tough economy, anxiety over parenting and rebellious children, anxiety over secrets in our marriages–all of these anxieties squeeze out our breath, leave us feeling like we are trapped in a small, dark place with no way out.
And my pastor pointed out that these times of anxiety in our life are a signal for us to communicate with God, a time to get on our knees in prayer and share our worries with Him.
But my mind kept traveling to the image of the developing baby, also in a small, dark place. This baby, kept in its warm home for the perfect amount of time until his fingers and toes are developed, his eyes ready to take in those first fuzzy images of the mother ready to hug him close into her bosom, his lungs ready to take its first breath outside in the new world–this baby who undergoes a traumatic ordeal to leave its small, dark home for a wide-open space. Yet this baby enters the world without fear.
While Jonah lay trapped in the belly of the fish, he grew. He learned there was no escaping the will of God, and he learned who is sovereign. And, perhaps, we are kept in our own dark spaces so that we, too, can grow. And we will grow, and we will learn until we can look up with peace at that wide-open space on the other side, trusting that we have a Father waiting to hold us close to His chest, whisper softly in our ear, a Father from whose arms we will never fall.
Linking up with Michelle today. What’s your giant fish?
11 thoughts on “In the Dark Belly”
Not liking with Michelle today? This would be a great post for Hear it on Sunday, Use it on Monday. Today has been full of reminders from my blogging friends about our God's works. I read y'alls postings as part of my daily devotions.
Yes, I did link up–I forgot to put the button! Thank you for reminding me. I'm still tired from the weekend, obviously. 🙂
It's true, He take us into the darkness of loss, anxiety, fear, etc. all so we will be drawn to The Light.
Jennifer, this is an excellent metaphor — I love it. My favorite line, and one that gives me a whole new perspective on the belly of the whale (and being caught in a dark time) is this: And, perhaps, we are kept in our own dark spaces so that we, too, can grow. I've never thought about that before, but you know, I think you may be right! Thanks for the revelation today…and for linking up, of course!
Too funny, we learned about Jonah too! Although it was focused more on how Jonah decided he didn't like God's will or his Sovereignty!
One of my favorite verses is in Isaiah – He gives us treasures in the darkness.
This was lovely.
My giant fish is my life right now- or at least my life 8 months ago. I'm slowly coming out of the fish. Which sounds really weird. But it's a long story, that someday I'll tell.
On a side note- I always wonder what it'd be like to be all squished up in a tummy. I wish I could know what babies are thinking, even though they can't formulate thoughts like we can. Another thing to ask God when I get to heaven.
To emerge like a baby without fear…I will remember that one. Beautiful parallel.
Thought provoking post, daughter. Since I have nothing to add in the way of comments, I thoujght
I could relate to the big fish, I eat , gulp down or swallow just about anything in front of me. I'm starting to get the shape of that big fish.
You've got quite the challenge between school and having a marriage when you're not in the same state! I'd love to hear your story sometime.You and I can ask Jesus the baby question at the same time so He doesn't have to repeat Himself.
The story is long and ugly. So it will probably take years. Hopefully you can hear it then. 🙂