“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart” (Luke 2:19, New International Version, 2010)
I’ve spent a lot of time pondering these last few days since attending the Deeper Still conference–pondering how leaving the home for one day equals an extra two days of housework; pondering the meaning behind the shoebox that my daughter left on the kitchen table filled with one flip-flop, one croc, one cloth napkin, and one leg from a baby doll; and pondering why my son has so many questions about heaven that bring him to tears.
And I want to say that I’ve been pondering the challenge that the Lord gave me, but instead, I think I’m learning that I need to ponder patience. Perhaps patience is my challenge.
When Priscilla Shirer inspired me with her message on 2 Kings 13, urging us to give God what we have and allow Him the opportunity to work a miracle in that margin where we don’t have, I wanted to shout,”Yes, Lord! Work a miracle in me! I’m not going to act as King Jehoash–I’ll give you all my arrows, not holding back any!” Except I don’t know what I’m giving. I don’t know where God is calling.
I only know that I have left feeling restless, and I have had this feeling before.
I know God is working in me, causing my heart to feel emotions that I haven’t felt quite this way before, conviction in the way I live a little stronger than usual, and I have this sense that God is preparing me for something. And it’s exciting. And a little scary.
I don’t do well with not knowing, and I don’t do well with not having the words to explain my thoughts coherently (I can’t believe how long I’m taking to write this piece), yet I have to trust that, for now, God wants me to feel exactly this way.
So I will ponder, and I will treasure. As Beth Moore shared, sometimes God only gives us one piece of the puzzle, but we can trust that He’s holding all the rest in His hands. And as Mary did, we can treasure. We can protect and preserve in our mind all those moments when we have no idea what is going on, but all the same, know that they are important.
I will take my puzzle piece and store it away in a box on the shelf. And in God’s time, I’ll one day begin to see a picture.