One year ago today, I was scrubbing base boards and stressing over the combination of new carpet and three children under the age of four. I was staying up way too late trying to get in those last minute chores after a full day of being a momma. One year ago, we were preparing to put our house up for sale.
In a quest to lessen my husband’s near three-hour roundtrip commute, we took on the stress of selling a home in this lousy housing market. And my writing, which was very infrequent at the time, reflected my stress. And all the stress? It was pointless–the house didn’t sell.
When I look back at my writing from a year ago, I’m struck by the similarities between my life then and my life now. I was knocking myself out in pursuit of a goal that was unattainable. We were dissatisfied with the lack of time we got to spend together as a whole family, and we wanted our situation to change. I wasn’t happy with the person I was on the inside, and while I was giving my house a good spring cleaning, I was dusting over the neglected areas of my soul, as well.
Today, I’m still knocking myself out. I try to do everything–spend meaningful time with my children all of their waking hours, present a spotless home, create home-cooked meals every night–and my goal, while admirable, really isn’t attainable, at least not given the ages of my kids or the fact that my husband’s commute hasn’t changed. If anything, we see each other even less than one year ago, and I’m more dissatisfied with this fact than I was in 2010. And as far as the spiritual–I’m still finding more and more areas of myself that displease me.
And I’ve come to the realization that, while circumstances may change, life doesn’t. Every season of life will have its own challenges, and while they may seem small when looking back, they feel huge during that time. When I read how nervous I was about my ability to keep up a presentable house, I want to laugh. Who cares? But I did at the time. And looking back, I’m able to see that I did the best I could, but moving wasn’t meant to be. Life continued, and we make do.
Likewise, I’ll look back in a year on my writing from now, which is much more frequent, and I’m sure I’ll shake my head at the insignificant things that caused me to stress. I’ll wish that I could go back and visit my past self and whisper, “This too shall pass.”
So I have a goal–to take each day as it comes and live it fully; to acknowledge my feelings without allowing them to overrule my logic; to continue to laugh at myself and my follies; to rest in the grace of God; and to live in the present, not waiting for better days to come. Different days will come, but they will bring their own struggles. I want to be ready to meet them.
Come back tomorrow for this week’s journey on goodness. I’d love for you to share your perspective by linking up your own post!