The other night as I was unloading the dishwasher, my little helper toddled over to offer her assistance. I have never felt so much stress putting away plates. Chloe’s hands were attracted like magnets to anything sharp and anything breakable. I hurriedly grabbed all of the knives out of the dishwasher and began putting them away, but as I was trying to complete that task, Chloe was reaching for glasses. As I shoved the knives in the knife block, I quickly reached back to grab the glass from her hand. Now that the knives were put away, I scrambled to get all the plates, glasses, and coffee cups before Chloe’s slippery fingers could touch them.
She didn’t understand the concept of the hand-off. Chloe would grab one item, hand it to me, and let go before my fingers had actually grasped it. Lids to pots dropped to the floor, the loud clamoring sound filling the house. Forks and spoons joined them. I did my best to balance the dishes she gave, to juggle what was going in the cabinet and what I was receiving from Chloe’s hands, but inevitably something would fall. My hope was that nothing would break.
Lately, my days feel like this dishwasher incident. As I try to do one thing, I have someone adding to my hands that already feel full. I rush to the cabinet in the hopes of putting away one object so that I can take on another. I know my hands can’t hold everything. I know I’m not an expert juggler. And every day, my prayer is that when something falls from my hands, it will be the lid from the pot and not the coffee cup.
Last Sunday, Matt and I met a nice woman at Publix. She and I were discussing the different kinds of sugar in the baking aisle when Chloe let us all know the extent of her hunger. As I tried to pacify Chloe, holding her in my arms while the other two sat on the bench of the largest, most awkward shopping cart in the world, I overheard Matt telling the woman the ages of our children. The woman locked eyes with me again and told me, “I feel you. I had three children in four years. I know.” But then she went on. “Enjoy this time. Because then they will be teenagers and want nothing to do with you, and before you know it, they will be grown up and out of the house!”
I have been given this advice before, and honestly, I grow weary of it. I’ve developed a term for it–“The Grandparent Syndrome.” The people who seem adamant that I enjoy this time are almost always grandparents or people who wish they were grandparents. Their children are grown, and they look fondly on the years when they had little ones giving them hugs and kisses, telling them that Mommy and Daddy are their best friends. They remember children swinging on swings and sliding down slides and pictures hung on the refrigerator with stick figures and the letter ‘e’ turned backwards. And sometimes, they are looking through rose-colored glasses.
I don’t like being told to enjoy this time because I don’t want to feel guilty when I’m not. Honestly, many days are not enjoyable. Even though they say they do, I’m not sure these well-meaning individuals remember exactly how tired they felt every day.
I think they’ve forgotten wondering how poop got on the door jam in the bathroom and the frustration at not having any more hiding places short of the roof for sweets. They’ve forgotten what it feels like to have the one time of the day at six a.m. which was their time interrupted over and over again and wishing that six a.m didn’t have to be their alone time to begin with! They’ve forgotten what it feels like to juggle coffee cups, shattering some to the floor on days when they lost their temper with a three-year-old or days when they were too exhausted to play.
They only remember the cute faces looking back at them from the preschool pictures they have tucked away in family photo albums, and they miss those chubby arms that used to reach around them and squeeze. They see their beautiful grandchildren and giggle and bake cookies and miss the time they spent with their own children. Except every day wasn’t cookies and giggles.
As if to combat the well-meaning words that sometimes sting, other parents who are not that far removed from my situation have their own words to offer: “It gets easier, I promise.” I cannot tell you how many parents of three close together in age, parents I have never met, will lock eyes with me in the park and tell me these words. They remember the juggling act, and they want to bring hope. And they do. Through their words they are telling me that it’s okay to feel tired and frustrated because there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I’m not against enjoying this time. In fact, I started writing my ‘Focus On It Friday’ posts because I wanted to make sure that no matter how rotten of a week I had, I always remember something for which I can give thanks. I blog because I want to remember the beautiful moments with my family, the invaluable lessons that they teach me. But I also want to remember the struggles and the harsh growing pains I experienced as I took the journey as a parent.
Not every day is enjoyable. Some days, even some seasons, just suck, and being able to admit that fact is freeing to me. My goal as a mother is to treasure the good moments in every season, not longing for the future, and not holding on to the past. I want to make the best of the present, and during the times when the juggling act gets more challenging than I can handle, I want to become an expert at using the broom.
Because whether I’m enjoying the day or not, I have three little ones who need a mother for guidance and learn from how I handle the broken dishes. And whether I’m enjoying the day or not, I know how blessed I am to be able to take the next breath and unload a full dishwasher.
Jennifer Vignola Davis 
I've had people say Enjoy it while it lasts, but I've also had people say, GLAD I'M DONE WITH THAT AGE!!! Those people are being totally brutally honest! 🙂 I'm thankful to my mom and grandmother for not remembering their young parenting years with rose coloured glasses. They tell it like it is and like it was. But you're right, it's still very important to FOCUS ON IT and remember the great and wonderful moments. Plus, because you're writing down the hard moments, your children will thank you for your honesty when they're dealing with their own toddlers.
LikeLike
I was so thankful when I saw your comment this morning. I was a little nervous when I put my thoughts out there, afraid that they would be misinterpreted, but you understood exactly what I mean. I, too, have a mother who remembers the struggles as well as the good times, and because she remembers the struggles, she is always so willing to help. Thank you, again, for your comment.
LikeLike
I was so thankful when I saw your comment this morning. I was a little nervous when I put my thoughts out there, afraid that they would be misinterpreted, but you understood exactly what I mean. I, too, have a mother who remembers the struggles as well as the good times, and because she remembers the struggles, she is always so willing to help. Thank you, again, for your comment.
LikeLike
Great post Jen. THanks for sharing last night too. Thinking of you today and praying for you. Blessings.
LikeLike
Thank you, Teri. Your prayers were felt today.
LikeLike
Thank you, Teri. Your prayers were felt today.
LikeLike
One word: DITTO
🙂
LikeLike
From the perspective of a mom of 2 grown sons, a high schooler, a middle schooler and a toddler, it all has it moments. I miss terribly, having my 2 grown sons at home. But I remember how hard it was when they were little and I was working and juggling everything. Every stage of growing up has it's challenges and it's joys, and you just do the best you know how, and pray to God that he gives you patience and wisdom along the way.
LikeLike
I always enjoy hearing your perspective since you do have children in almost every age group. I know I will miss my children terribly when they one day leave the home, and I DO want to enjoy the time they are with me. Some days are just much harder than others. Thank you, again, Leigh. Very well-said!
LikeLike
I always enjoy hearing your perspective since you do have children in almost every age group. I know I will miss my children terribly when they one day leave the home, and I DO want to enjoy the time they are with me. Some days are just much harder than others. Thank you, again, Leigh. Very well-said!
LikeLike
I love what you wrote – you expressed yourself so well. I have been guilty of telling people to enjoy their newborns/babies because they grow up so fast. But I do remember the struggles and don't wish to relive them either! Here's to making the best of the present!
Kristine
LikeLike
I love this. Many days are hard, but I know it is all so worth it. I also get, "enjoy these days" all the time. Your words were right on target. Hang in there!!
LikeLike
I couldn't agree with you more. I feel the exact same way. I feel so guilty on the days where I'm wishing away the current year so that they will gain more independence and not follow me from room to room, asking me thousands of questions, all while I am on an important phone call! I KNOW the day will come when I miss these fun years, but I hate it when people remind me of that. It makes me feel awful for having those thoughts, and I want to say to them,"So were your childrens toddler years just all roses and giggles?!!" Doubt it!!
You are NOT alone, Jennifer. I feel your pain, your guilt, your patience issues, and your joyful/content days as well! I'm sure a LOT of mom's feel the same way, though none are brave enough to express it to anyone. Thanks for keeping it real.
LikeLike
Preach it sister!
Sorry I'm late in joining the party, but I had one of "those weeks". You know, the ones those with Grandparent Syndrome can't seem to remember. I love blogging too, for the reasons you mentioned. Because it forces you to take a look at the week in its entirety, and realize that there is always something to "Focus on it Friday".
I read your response to the first comment, and hope that you always share your heart. There is NO WAY that you are alone in your feelings. My husband always asks what I want for Mother's Day, or my birthday, and sometimes I want to say "I want to get away from my children for just one day…". Honestly, who wants to get away from their kids on MOTHERS DAY??? And yet…
Thanks for the heart to heart. I'm loving being able to stay home and raise my kids. I just wish it came with health benefits and paid vacations!
LikeLike
you could have some good hues in that theme of yours. is this a wordpress web site?
LikeLike
Thanks for the post, I liked its style and content. I discovered this web site upon Google and have right now added it in order to my personal bookmarks. I will be certain to go to again quickly.
LikeLike
Sorry for the large evaluation, but I’m truly loving the brand new Microsoft zune, and wish this, along with the superb evaluations some other people have written, can help you decide if it is the solution you’re looking for.
LikeLike