If you decide to read this post, beware. I don’t really have a plan for where I am going with this entry, but I needed to write. I’m feeling a little sad today, and writing always helps. Since it’s only 11:15 A.M., I want to start while I still have time to fix my mood and salvage the rest of the day!
I don’t think there is one thing in particular that is making me sad but a lot of little things piling up. For one, Caleb is sick with the flu, and in the process, I found out that I am not the compassionate person that I always thought I was. I hate seeing my son sick, but apparently I don’t deal very well with incessant whining and dramatics, either. Being stuck in the house since Thursday only leaving to take Hannah Grace to preschool and Caleb to the doctor has caused me to go a little batty. Well, being stuck in the house probably wouldn’t make me go batty that quickly, but being stuck with the incessant whining and dramatics has apparently done me in!
So…going batty has made me a little sad because I want to be sane, and not having compassion for a three-year-old who is sick makes me feel like someone should slap me (I have had compassion at times, just not the whole time). Please don’t slap me, though. I’m in a fragile state.
The battiness (and my freewill) also caused me to be mean to my husband last night, so I feel bad about that fact this morning. Maybe I can make it up to him by putting on some lip gloss. It’ll complete my outfit of a red sweatshirt, red pajama bottoms, multi-colored fuzzy socks, and crazy hair.
My sleep deprivation keeps getting worse, and I know that doesn’t help me with my mood control. My children have been conspiring again, and each of them were up during the night, but of course, at different times. Chloe woke up at 11:30 and 2 or 3 or 4–I really have no idea–screaming. She didn’t need to eat but needed comfort, so I am fearful that she may have an illness brewing…or maybe some teeth. Either way, I know my sleep will be limited over the next week.
Hannah Grace, true to form, had two full-out, kicking-her-door-in temper tantrums in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, and as I stated previously, not at the same time when I was already awake with Chloe. She came after Chloe’s first spell but before the next.
And in one of my better moments of showing compassion, Caleb woke up requesting medicine, after bounding in our bed a few hours earlier. Maybe the heat from his fever contributed to my sweating through my shirt, soaking my sheets beneath me, causing me to change shirts in the middle of the night but not being able to change the sheets since my two boys were sound asleep in bed. I was freezing all night.
On top of the illness and sleep deprivation, I’m a little depressed at the condition of my home, for which normally I would give myself a pass given the circumstances, but our realtor is coming on Wednesday (if Caleb is better) to assess our home before we put it on the market. I can only weep inside.
Yes, these are the reasons I’m feeling a little blue, but alas, life goes on. My baby is up from her nap, a little boy wants to watch more TV (Hey, he’s sick! I’ll give in), and my girl wants a snack. A mommy has to deal and go on, right? Writing is such good therapy!
Dear God, thank you for the grace and compassion you have for me every day. I’m so thankful your supply doesn’t run out the way mine does. Can you please send me some more to deal with my children and everything that will happen today? Thank you! Amen.